I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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