I feel great
I just peed on a car
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
