Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
