He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
