I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
