I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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