We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
