Define "chronic" masturbator.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
