Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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