So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
