I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Randomize
