I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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