His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Randomize
