i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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