Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
