ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
