so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
