I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
bring money and cleavage
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
3 2 1 whiskey
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
