hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
