roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
where are you?
Hypothermia
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
