i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Drunk walkin through police station. America
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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