Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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