so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
