I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
What a dumb baby whore.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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