but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
