I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
