there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
