i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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