Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
