i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
