Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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