there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
