before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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