Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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