I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My dick has a subreddit
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
