im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
