College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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