Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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