I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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