cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
