I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
