Im at strip club and am horny
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
