maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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