I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
