Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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