Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
