1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
