My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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