I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
