Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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